His Last Day

I walked into the room I'd watched being built from the ground up. The high ceilings opened up the room filled with strangers. Light from the skylights and the french doors, leading to the backyard, on the far side of the room chased shadows over the blue L-shaped couch centered in the room. A shadow also crossed over the face of my father. My dad was lying very still on his portable hospital bed. This room that used to smell like home, a mixture of pets, my moms cooking, and laundry soap, now smelled like a hospital.

 My brother was sitting on the floor playing on the Xbox with one of our cousins while relatives I have only met a handful of times crowded around each other and my dad. As I approached they left to converge in other corners of the room. I could feel their sympathetic gaze follow me as I passed them. In my hand I held a picture I had drawn earlier that day. I held the picture in front of my dads face with one hand and placed the other on his arm to get his attention. As he opened his eyes, he smiled and motioned for me to hang it up. I found my mom and asked her for tape. She followed me back over to his bed and helped me tape the picture to the window. Here he could see it without turning over.

 My mom asked me if I wanted to help and I nodded. She handed me a bottle of lotion we got from the hospital. I couldn't place the smell but I liked it. The label said it was for extra dry skin. I asked my dad if he wanted me to put it on his legs where his skin was cracking from the dry and cold December air. He was in too much pain to put it on himself. He hurt every time he moved. The colorectal cancer had spread extensively over the two years he had it. His liver was poisoned and stopped working properly. His skin had a yellowish tint and the once clear blue eyes became greenish yellow. The whites of his eyes were yellow and the red veins became pronounced against the yellow background.

 His reply was a barely audible yes. The rough, gravelly voice I loved growing up had become an airy whisper. I squirted out a bit of lotion and rubbed it between my hands to warm it up. When it became a useable temperature I rubbed it on his legs. I repeated the process until both of his legs were back to a normal texture. I finished and asked Dad if it felt better. His 'yes' was even harder to understand this time. I was still holding the lotion and standing beside him when I noticed something in His open mouth. This brownish liquid was coming up his throat. I quickly called to my mom and told her to come see this. He started choking and my mom's friend, Lisa the nurse, came over to see what she could do. Her and my mom told everyone to move to the other room. All the kids were rushed out of the room by the other adults but I didn't move. I couldn't. My feet were nailed to the floor and my eyes were glued to my father. I knew this wasn't good.

I felt two hands on my shoulders. It was my mom pushing me out of the room. I still resisted but slowly started to move towards the door. I kept looking back over my shoulder. Lisa was backing away from my dad and moving to my mom. I kept walking. As I stepped through the door I knew he was gone. My mom started crying. I was in shock and kept walking to the room I was supposed to go to. Not more than a minute later I was called back in with my brother. My mom led us straight past my dad to the couch. Here we sat, in the same place we were three days earlier when Mom first told us Dad was dying. She confirmed what I already knew. Now I cried. I never thought I would be able to stop.

Eventually I did stop. I ran out of tears and found I still had the bottle of lotion in my hands. Everyone in my house was crying now but I just walked past them. I opened the door to my room and placed the bottle on my shelf. I still have it almost ten years later. It's a token of our last moment together. His last words were to me, his angel baby girl, and I will never let myself forget them. That day brings back so much pain but it is one of my most cherished memories. His last day and my first day of learning to live without my hero, role-model, and best friend. I will always love and miss him.