Ceremony

Ceremony by Leslie Marmon Silko is the most beautifully written novel I have read. Each line can be analyzed and have more than one meaning. It is amazing. However, I am incredibly confused. Silko's writing is not in chronological order and I have the hardest time getting around it. I always want to know what's going on, but to really enjoy and understand the novel I have to let go of that. The Laguna Pueblo timeline is not how Americans see it. When I think of time it goes in a line. I am in the middle, the present, behind me is the past, and in front of me is the future. The past has already happened and maybe I have learned my lessons from it but it is often forgotten about. I try to live in the present. The present is what is going on right in front of me. Depending on what I do, my future could change. The future is ahead of me. Sometimes I can picture what my life is going to be and somedays it is all foggy and I can't see anything. It will happen but it isn't me now.



In the Laguna Pueblo tradition, all three parts coincide. Instead of a line, time is a continuous circle or waves in the ocean. The person I am now is the person I was and the person I will be. I like this way of thinking but in writing it is really confusing. Many authors write what their character is thinking and it goes into tangents. The tangents are typically past events that make the character feel a certain way or explain why they like or dislike another character. In Ceremony  the tangents aren't separate stories. It's more of a second thought that Tayo, the main character is having. The thoughts aren't explained. It's up to the reader to draw conclusions but there often isn't enough information to complete a thought. I have to let go of the idea of knowing what's going on and accept that I am going to be confused. I wish I had already read the book so I had some frame of reference but it will all make sense in the end.

Ignorance is Bliss?

Native people are often portrayed at stereotypes. They are either the awful savage or the peaceful spiritual community that won't hurt a thing. Stereotypes are used in everything. Marketing items so it appeals to the largest group of people involves stereotypes. The problem with this is that not every person fits into these categories they are put in. This is where the public becomes insensitive to groups of people. Society comes up with standards for every culture. It can be divided hundreds of ways. Religions, race, color, country of origin and gender are all boxes people get sorted into. Each box has a label but it doesn't apply everything in the box. Each person is different and should be. If everyone was the same nothing would ever change. The world needs different people but different doesn't mean bad. There are all types of people in the world and similar characteristics are spread all over it.

I try to see people for who they are before I make any assumptions. I can't say this happens all the time. Humans aren't perfect and I will never make a claim to be so. I do fall into the habit of judging people by how they look. It may be my lack of experience with more diverse cultures or just the easy path my brain is trained to follow by society. Either way I don't want to make those assumptions and I don't want people to assume things about me. I have been told my life is perfect. That I am perfect. Nothing is perfect. It isn't possible. I don't get judged on being an awful person and being called perfect doesn't bother me because I want someone to sympathize with me. It bothers me because it isn't true. I lost my dad and moved away from my best friends. I woke up one day and found myself surrounded by a new step-family and it hasn't been easy. Life gives everyone a hard time. Some are much worse than others but people can all understand it to a point. Everyone lives on one Earth and finds a way to make it through the day. Are people really that different? They all look different on the outside but inside they are all the same.

Native People

The Apache 

The Apache call themselves nde, "the people", and currently live in Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona and New Mexico. They were mostly hunters and traveled throughout the year with primarily buffalo. Wickiups, camp tent size homes made

of a wooden frame and bush, were made by the women. Apache women could build these Wickiups in two hours if there was enough supplies. Now there are thirteen different Apache tribes with independent governments and laws.
                                             

Famous Apache:
 Cochise was a chief of the Chiricahua Apache. He fought with the US over land but finally a treaty was reached in 1872 with the help of Tom Jeffords, Cochise white friend. His family now lives in the Apache Reservation in New Mexico.

 Warrior Woman Dahteste fought with the Native American freedom fighter Geronima. She was best friends with another woman warrior called Lozen. She was fulent in English and became a translator for Apache and US people.


The Lakota


Lakota are thought to be agriculturists and are known for their hide paintings. Battles and calendars were recorded on buffalo hides.
                                                   
The tribe was split into two main areas: one in the North/South Dakota region and the other by the Missouri river. Louis and Clark meet the Lakota people on their journey. The Lakota refused to let the two men travel upstream. They are often considered to be apart of the Sioux tribes.

Famous Lakota:
Crazy Horse was a warrior who lead the Lakota people against the US troops. After surrendering in 1877, Crazy Horse was stabbed with a bayonet while on guard and died that night. His death has a lot of speculation around it.

Sitting Bull was a holy man who also fought with the US over land. Him and 186+ followers were forced to surrender due to the risk of starvation in 1881. Today he is an iconic symbol to modern activists and an inspiration in many movies. 

Dancing into the New Year

A new year has begun and with it comes a fresh start. Life doesn't give people many so I don't plan on wasting it. This semester, my English class is starting to study films and native culture. I know almost nothing about both! I am a little intimidated with the film study part. Dances with Wolves is the first movie I've really started looking at critically. There hundreds of little details that producers spend years getting perfect so the audience subconsciously reacts to the scene. Poses like the Christ pose means sacrifice. In the film Dances with Wolves, John Dunbar rides his horse into an open battle field in order to end his life. He is giving up and sacrificing himself. Having his arms outstretched and head up is iconic now. I noticed this pose before but I never put much thought into it. If he wasn't in this pose the significance and his state of mind would be harder to read. It wouldn't have the same impact on people. The other pose that I never paid much attention to was when John Dunbar runs his hands through the wheat. It shows the audience that he is at peace. I subconsciously felt this but I never would have caught it. Subtle actions make people connect with the characters and make the movie that much better. I know I will learn a lot more than a few key poses but it's something to start with.

I'm not quite sure how studying native culture fits in with senior literature and composition with communication but it should still be interesting. I know almost nothing about native people and their culture. I can confidently explain the pilgrims in detail but Native Americans and other cultures like theirs have always been a mystery to me. I, like every little girl, watched and loved the movie Pocahontas but that doesn't count. I didn't learn about modern Native Americans last year in history. I studies how they live today on reservations. Most of them struggle with addiction to drugs and alcohol along with terrible poverty. Seeing the pictures of some Indian reservations was heartbreaking. Throughout history, they have been a minority. I can clearly see that even in today's society. Native Americans are given many scholarships to college to help them out of the poverty. People also believe that taking children off the reservation will help them lead a better life but it is incredibly hard to do. It also isn't right. Taking children away from their culture isn't right. It may give them a better chance at an addiction free future but it takes them away from their culture. Where a person comes from gives them a foundation for where they can go. 

First Semester

Senior year has already gone by so fast. I only have one semester left of high school! Then I'm in college and real life has to start. This year in Senior Lit and Comp we covered a lot of different topics but it was never overwhelming. With a class full of seniors the first thing on our mind is college. I started the year writing my college essay. I was terrified of this part of the college application. I have never been too confident in my writing, but this essay I loved. It was so easy to write and the essay I submitted has already gotten me into CU. Colleges want to know about the person applying so writing an essay for colleges is like writing a memoir. That was the next unit. I got to pick a memoir to read and present it to the class. I chose to read Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. Her story is about her growing up and dealing with anxiety and a crazy family. It's a string of stories that she wants to pretend never happened but made her who she is. Lawson became a famous blogger, The Bloggess, and lives a great life with her husband and daughter. I loved her book and was laughing the whole time I was reading. I made one of my first Prezi presentation and told the class about Let's Pretend This Never Happened. I think it went well and, even though I don't like standing in front of the class and presenting, I've gotten a lot more comfortable talking in front of people.
After everyone presented their memoirs, which took a long time, we moved onto controversial topics. We started reading The Laramie Project. I really enjoyed the play and our discussions were much better than I've had in any other class. Everyone tried to get engaged and it wasn't just a few people talking the whole time. We all analysed the book together. My favorite part of that unit was seeing all the different views of the Matthew Shepard murder. Nothing is one sided and this case made it very clear. Then we got to draw our own conclusions about the case in an essay. It was like we were detectives or lawyers stating our case. It was fun. Then came controversial debates. I partnered up with my friend Brandon to argue about the drinking age. We are both pretty neutral about the topic but I am arguing that the drinking age should be lowered to 18 and he is arguing that it should stay at 21. I still have to finish my essay supporting my side but the powerpoint is looking really good. I spent a lot of time researching different sides of the argument and found some that I never would have thought of. For example, binge drinking is a huge problem for teens because they hide their drinking from their elders and therefore makes them more susceptible to alcohol poisoning. I give my presentation this Friday and I think it will go well.
Overall, this has been my favorite english class I've had in my four years of high school. I like what we are learning about and how it is preparing us for college and beyond. I look forward to coming to the class even though it's usually freezing! It is a hard class. It's not the easy A I've been used to in regular english but I've never been overwhelmed. I have to work hard but it's never been so much work that I am worried about failing an assignment. I have enjoyed this semester and look forward to the next one.

What really happened that night?

Why did Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson kill Matthew Shepard? The Laramie Project wants its viewers to believe that it was a hate crime. Shepard was killed because he was gay. The ABC 20/20 special report on the Matthew Shepard case wants to prove that there is more to the case. That McKinney's childhood affected his decision to kill Shepard. Maybe Meth played a role. I don't know which to believe. Each piece has good points and interviews from key people involved in the case. I think it's impossible to say there is one thing that made this happened. 

I believe their was a combination of things that lead to Matthew Shepard's death. McKinney and Shepard may have been dealing with depression and were using Meth to cope with it. Meth can make a person do terrible things and takes away their self control. If McKinney and Henderson were tweaking they wouldn't have thought twice about hurting Matthew until he was practically dead. I am still unsure if I believe that McKinney and Shepard knew each other. If they were both in the drug circle, they could have easily crossed paths. I don't believe they were working together. I don't think Shepard was a dealer but McKinney definitely could have been. With such a small town they probably did meet. It is possible Shepard owed his two attackers money. It's said money meant nothing to him so maybe not. 

There is definitely an issue of classism in the case. McKinney and Henderson both come from poorer families and didn't continue their education. Matthew Shepard comes from money and has a great supportive family. The idea of robbing Shepard because he was an easy target would be completely plausible but because they beat him with such intensity and torturously it wasn't the only factor.  

Depression, hate, homosexuallity, Meth, money and classism all seem to be a part of this case. I could never say one factor was the real reason Matthew Shepard was killed. It has to be a combination of all or most of them. 

What is Truth?

I don't know what to think now. After reading The Laramie Project and watching several news clips on the same event, I don't know what to believe. After reading The Laramie Project, I was completely convinced that Matthew Shepard was killed because he was gay. I wholeheartedly believed it was a hate crime. I didn't think anything was going to change my mind about it until I watched the 20/20 special on Matthew Shepard. Six years after Matthew Shepard passed away the 20/20 Special Report was aired and the public got to see Aaron McKinny and Russell Henderson and hear their side of the story. They confessed to being on Meth and were tweaking. They hadn't slept in almost a week and were on the drugs. Drugs is always a compelling motive but was that what happened?
In the interviews, McKinny and Henderson both seemed genuinely sorry about what they did. Henderson especially. He says he never actually attacked Matthew but did tie him to the fence. I believe him. His body language was calm and he seemed defeated when he was talking to the interviewer. When someone is lying they look defensive and either lean back or get aggressive. Henderson didn't do either. This in no way excuses him of what happened that night. He was still there and saw McKinny beat Matthew to the brink of death. He still never called for helped. He did try to stop McKinny. I saw the scar that he got from McKinny hitting him in the face when he tried to stop McKinny. There is still the question of why. Why did McKinny do this?
I don't believe that Aaron McKinny approved of gays. I don't know if he hated them so much that he would target and beat Matthew to death but I don't think he liked gays. There was a claim that Doc and McKinny's girlfriend made about him being bi. If that is true, McKinny would rather die than admit it. He doesn't want to be seen as gay. There was never a drug test done on McKinny or Henderson so we may never know if they were high when they attacked but I think drugs definitely played a role in it. Drugs and Meth in particular can take away a persons better judgement and make them do terrible things. I still don't know what to believe but I think Meth played a bigger part in the crime than Matthew being gay.