First Semester

Senior year has already gone by so fast. I only have one semester left of high school! Then I'm in college and real life has to start. This year in Senior Lit and Comp we covered a lot of different topics but it was never overwhelming. With a class full of seniors the first thing on our mind is college. I started the year writing my college essay. I was terrified of this part of the college application. I have never been too confident in my writing, but this essay I loved. It was so easy to write and the essay I submitted has already gotten me into CU. Colleges want to know about the person applying so writing an essay for colleges is like writing a memoir. That was the next unit. I got to pick a memoir to read and present it to the class. I chose to read Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. Her story is about her growing up and dealing with anxiety and a crazy family. It's a string of stories that she wants to pretend never happened but made her who she is. Lawson became a famous blogger, The Bloggess, and lives a great life with her husband and daughter. I loved her book and was laughing the whole time I was reading. I made one of my first Prezi presentation and told the class about Let's Pretend This Never Happened. I think it went well and, even though I don't like standing in front of the class and presenting, I've gotten a lot more comfortable talking in front of people.
After everyone presented their memoirs, which took a long time, we moved onto controversial topics. We started reading The Laramie Project. I really enjoyed the play and our discussions were much better than I've had in any other class. Everyone tried to get engaged and it wasn't just a few people talking the whole time. We all analysed the book together. My favorite part of that unit was seeing all the different views of the Matthew Shepard murder. Nothing is one sided and this case made it very clear. Then we got to draw our own conclusions about the case in an essay. It was like we were detectives or lawyers stating our case. It was fun. Then came controversial debates. I partnered up with my friend Brandon to argue about the drinking age. We are both pretty neutral about the topic but I am arguing that the drinking age should be lowered to 18 and he is arguing that it should stay at 21. I still have to finish my essay supporting my side but the powerpoint is looking really good. I spent a lot of time researching different sides of the argument and found some that I never would have thought of. For example, binge drinking is a huge problem for teens because they hide their drinking from their elders and therefore makes them more susceptible to alcohol poisoning. I give my presentation this Friday and I think it will go well.
Overall, this has been my favorite english class I've had in my four years of high school. I like what we are learning about and how it is preparing us for college and beyond. I look forward to coming to the class even though it's usually freezing! It is a hard class. It's not the easy A I've been used to in regular english but I've never been overwhelmed. I have to work hard but it's never been so much work that I am worried about failing an assignment. I have enjoyed this semester and look forward to the next one.

What really happened that night?

Why did Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson kill Matthew Shepard? The Laramie Project wants its viewers to believe that it was a hate crime. Shepard was killed because he was gay. The ABC 20/20 special report on the Matthew Shepard case wants to prove that there is more to the case. That McKinney's childhood affected his decision to kill Shepard. Maybe Meth played a role. I don't know which to believe. Each piece has good points and interviews from key people involved in the case. I think it's impossible to say there is one thing that made this happened. 

I believe their was a combination of things that lead to Matthew Shepard's death. McKinney and Shepard may have been dealing with depression and were using Meth to cope with it. Meth can make a person do terrible things and takes away their self control. If McKinney and Henderson were tweaking they wouldn't have thought twice about hurting Matthew until he was practically dead. I am still unsure if I believe that McKinney and Shepard knew each other. If they were both in the drug circle, they could have easily crossed paths. I don't believe they were working together. I don't think Shepard was a dealer but McKinney definitely could have been. With such a small town they probably did meet. It is possible Shepard owed his two attackers money. It's said money meant nothing to him so maybe not. 

There is definitely an issue of classism in the case. McKinney and Henderson both come from poorer families and didn't continue their education. Matthew Shepard comes from money and has a great supportive family. The idea of robbing Shepard because he was an easy target would be completely plausible but because they beat him with such intensity and torturously it wasn't the only factor.  

Depression, hate, homosexuallity, Meth, money and classism all seem to be a part of this case. I could never say one factor was the real reason Matthew Shepard was killed. It has to be a combination of all or most of them. 

What is Truth?

I don't know what to think now. After reading The Laramie Project and watching several news clips on the same event, I don't know what to believe. After reading The Laramie Project, I was completely convinced that Matthew Shepard was killed because he was gay. I wholeheartedly believed it was a hate crime. I didn't think anything was going to change my mind about it until I watched the 20/20 special on Matthew Shepard. Six years after Matthew Shepard passed away the 20/20 Special Report was aired and the public got to see Aaron McKinny and Russell Henderson and hear their side of the story. They confessed to being on Meth and were tweaking. They hadn't slept in almost a week and were on the drugs. Drugs is always a compelling motive but was that what happened?
In the interviews, McKinny and Henderson both seemed genuinely sorry about what they did. Henderson especially. He says he never actually attacked Matthew but did tie him to the fence. I believe him. His body language was calm and he seemed defeated when he was talking to the interviewer. When someone is lying they look defensive and either lean back or get aggressive. Henderson didn't do either. This in no way excuses him of what happened that night. He was still there and saw McKinny beat Matthew to the brink of death. He still never called for helped. He did try to stop McKinny. I saw the scar that he got from McKinny hitting him in the face when he tried to stop McKinny. There is still the question of why. Why did McKinny do this?
I don't believe that Aaron McKinny approved of gays. I don't know if he hated them so much that he would target and beat Matthew to death but I don't think he liked gays. There was a claim that Doc and McKinny's girlfriend made about him being bi. If that is true, McKinny would rather die than admit it. He doesn't want to be seen as gay. There was never a drug test done on McKinny or Henderson so we may never know if they were high when they attacked but I think drugs definitely played a role in it. Drugs and Meth in particular can take away a persons better judgement and make them do terrible things. I still don't know what to believe but I think Meth played a bigger part in the crime than Matthew being gay.

The Laramie Project Act 1

Laramie is a small town in Wyoming with lots of wide open space. The whole community is very close and everyone knows everyone else and their business. Laramie has this beautiful trail with a horrible history. Matthew Shepard was brutally beaten on this trail. I found a it was cruel irony for something so horrific to happen in such a beautiful place. Sergeant Hing said: "...All you got to do is turn around, see the mountains, smell the air, listen to the birds...It was a beautiful day... real clear and crisp and the sky was blue... it's just gorgeous" (Kaufman, 8-9).

Matthew is found in this beautiful place but he is in terrible shape. He was beaten repeatedly with the butt of a gun. His head was distorted and he could barely breathe. The only part of his face that was free of blood was where he was crying and the tears washed off his blood. This is the last place the Matthew would remember and the place everyone pilgrimages to in order to pay their respects. He was tied to this fence and left for dead. The beautiful wide open space of Wyoming and it's clear blue sky's are forever tainted by this horrific event. I never expect something horrible to happen in a place of such beauty and peace. I expect it to happen in dark horrible places. Places as serene as this are never though  to be connected to horrible crimes but this one is.

Confidence and Appreciating the Little Things

Frank McCourt was a high school teacher who was originally from Ireland. His thick accent made him insecure when he taught. His students saw him as the easy A and pitied him in a way. Learning that he was the easy teacher made him start to re-evaluate his teaching styles. Frank was never going to be the typical high school teacher. He came from a poverty ridden childhood and had very few connections with his students but he could tell stories. He could get them to think in a different way and for themselves. "You have the right to think for yourself." High schoolers don't know or forget that they can think for themselves. We are all in charge of our own lives and can make our own decisions. Frank McCourt gained confidence in his teaching by challenging students and saw the impact he left on them and what they left with him.

A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard is all about confidence. After she was kidnapped, she wasn't allowed to say her name. She was given a new name by her kidnappers and lost her identity. When she was finally able to talk to the police she couldn't even say her name. She hadn't said it in eighteen years but she still remembered it. She ended up writing it down and was finally able to go home. She slowly was able to be the person she should have been. She got her confidence back with her name.

While she was still kidnapped, Jaycee Dugard learned to live with her awful life and make the best of it. She had two children and she loved then. It didn't matter that their father was a sex offender who kidnapped and raped her. They were her children. She even had some compassion for her kidnappers wife, whom he ignored and prefered sleeping with Jaycee.

The Otherside of Heaven by John Groberg is about a missionary. He travels to a country where no one speaks english and fights to spread his faith. He is forced to face many challenges and give up many of the things we take for granted. He never gives up. "I not only can but I will." He learns to speak the new language and helps the people rebuild their community after a hurricane.

Trust Addiction and Happiness

The Kindness of Strangers Penniless Across America by Mike McIntyre had a lot of interesting points. Mike traveled across America to escape the strain and conformity of his life. Throughout his journey he meets many strangers who he has to get to trust him and has to trust them. He described trust as being the biggest obstacle throughout his travels. Trusting himself, others, and getting others to trust him was really difficult for him. He met some really creepy people but he would take a chance and trust the next person he came across. He put his life in other peoples hands. He also said "We know who we are. The hardest part is trying to be that person. It is much easier to be someone else." I thought that was a really interesting point.

I have had many people in my family fight addiction and I could relate to Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis and Larry Sloman. As children my mom and her eight brothers and sisters were on their own for most of the day. A single mom with a full time job couldn't keep track of all nine of her children every second. They were able to get away with a lot of things that I never would be able to. In Scar Tissue Anthony talks about his dad letting him try everything. Any parent now would say that's terrible and how would anyone let that happen. But that's life. Now my aunts and uncles have grown up but many of them struggle with alcohol and cigarette addictions. I have seen it drive apart a marriage and really run people's lives. It is incredibly hard to get someone who isn't willing to quit to quit. Anthony talks about that and I have seen it first hand. It is hard and it hurts a lot of people.

Live Like Jay! I had never heard this saying before listening to the presentation on Making Mavericks by Frosty Hesson but I love the message. I have always connected to saying about striving for happiness and being happy even in the darkest moments. Jay was a happy and determined kid that Frosty ended up mentoring to surf. Jay was said to always have a smile on his face. It didn't matter what Frosty put him through or if he had a bad day surfing. He always found something good. Bad things happen but you can choose to let them run your life or make the best of it. You can choose to move on and appreciate
what happened without letting it hurt you. 

Love Out of Loss

Memoirs are usually about some of the hardest times in a persons life. It shows how they've grown into the person they are today. Everyone has a unique story to tell and most of them involve losing someone.

In Girl, Interrupted, Susanna Kaysen talks about being in a mental hospital. She has lost her privacy and possibly sanity but she can find love in the institution. She makes friends with the other girls and can enjoy her time. The book looked incredibly interesting. One of the lines that was in the trailer, "Whole families are crazy, but each family only has the money to put a few in the hospital to get fixed", really stuck with me. I thought it was an interesting view and very true. Why is one person considered crazier than the other? Aren't we all a little crazy?

The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls is about a girl who grew up with parents that weren't real parents. She raised herself with the he-

lp of her siblings. She missed out on a lot growing up but she doesn't have a bad thing to say about her parents. They were terrible parents but they still all loved each other. I am reading this book next.

The Last Lecture is definitely a book about living life to the fullest. Randy Pausch is dying but that doesn't stop him for a minute. He would "never stop having fun". I don't know if I would read it but it sounded very interesting. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers is a story of loss. Both of Dave's parents die and he is left to care for his younger brother. This book is intriguing and I might read it.

Two Kisses for Maddy, by Matthew Lugelin is definitely on my books to read list! The father-daughter relationship is something I can really connect to. Having lost a parent myself I can relate. I saw my mom live for me and my brother like Matthew lives for Maddy.

A few other memoirs were presented this week but these were my favorite ones. Under the Overpass looked somewhat interesting but it didn't stick with me like the first ones did. The two about Navy Seals weren't interesting to me and looked intense. I LOVE having new books to read!